The selfless acts of motherhood

My love for Brooke is the most sincere, selfless feeling I have ever known. It truly is indescribable. I would honestly do anything for her. For example, we recently have been battling milk issues. I have been struggling to keep up with her; she is a growing girl and needs more than she was getting a month ago. However, I was just not producing enough. We discussed all possibilities – introducing cereal/solid foods, switching to formula, feeding her a mixture of breastmilk/formula…and even supplementing with a donor’s breastmilk! I know – who would have thought? When I first got pregnant I didn’t even think I would breastfeed, much less be breastfeeding 4+ months. So supplementing with someone else’s breastmilk may be a very unusual (and to many, gross) option, but as a mother I have come to realize that I will consider everything before deciding on the best thing for my child. For the record, we came to terms and decided as a family that we would make up the additional ounces of milk with formula. Go figure, it seems that I now have more milk than before, perhaps because I am not having to stress about getting enough. Nonetheless, Brooke is happily enjoying 6-8 ounce bottles of a mixture of breastmilk/formula (Similac Sensitive).

Becoming a parent has truly changed my life. While I thought my life was good and complete before, I had no idea the joy I would be rewarded with daily when I look into the eyes of my daughter. The emotion that fills my heart when I see her need and trust in me is something I hope every woman (and man) is able to experience. To my friends and family that do not have children, I do not know how to explain it. I just hope that one day you are blessed with children and can share in these same feelings. Watching her grow is the definition of bittersweet. While I hate the fact of time flying by and her getting bigger, it is incredible to see her personality develop and learn new things everyday. When she was a newborn, she smiled in her sleep, then after a couple months she voluntarily smiled when she saw mommy and daddy’s faces, and now she smiles and laughs out loud all the time! That gurgling noise that accompanies a big smile across our little one’s face is one the most precious things. Her eagerness and excitement grows from day to day.

As her independence grows strong, mommy occasionally gets sad thinking she doesn't need me as much. I know that's not true, she is just getting more adapted to her environment and constantly learning. Nonetheless, I have learned to take advantage of those times where she really wants her mommy. Some days when I come home, I hold her like I did when she was a newborn and let her snuggle up with mommy and take a catnap (even if it's an hour before bedtime). It's times like that which melt my heart and honestly bring tears to my eyes.

In addition to Brooke finding her toes, she has now begun putting her toes in her mouth! Again very cute and displays extreme flexibility, but makes it difficult to do diaper changes! She also manages to get anything she can into that mouth of hers, especially her thumb. While her paci is not always within reach, especially during the night when she wakes herself up, that thumb is the perfect fit into her tiny mouth! I am not a fan of thumb sucking. It is one of the most adorable things when she is sleeping with her little hand resting on her nose, but….I do not want her to be a thumb sucker for years to come! I am dealing with it for the time being, knowing that her sleeping through the night is more important (plus mommy and daddy are finally getting some overdue rest too)! We will cross that bridge here shortly, but for now…we sleep (Brooke with one hand in mouth and the other holding her toes).

It was this day last year that Michael and I got the call confirming that I was in fact pregnant. I came home to a bouquet of white roses (my favorite)! We had no idea how much our lives were going to change. I couldn't be more happy with exactly where we are in our lives. I love our little family!

4 months

New Year’s Eve this year was quite different than years past…one beer and in bed by 9! Oh and I must say the holiday has officially moved down to the bottom of my list of favorite holidays for sure. The sound of fireworks popping was disturbing to our sleeping baby. Of course, I was up at 12:30 putting her back to sleep after the big show! I was never a fan of fireworks, but I’m definitely not now.

Over the holiday break, we started putting Brooke into her crib for naps. We had a rough start; she cried for about the whole time the nap usually lasts, which ended up throwing off her whole nap/sleep schedule. On top of which our sweet pea has found her toes. This has made everything near impossible without her playing with her feet, especially diaper changes and sleeping. 

Up until this point, she had been sleeping in her Rock N Play Sleeper in our room. After a couple nights in the new house, we tried moving her to her room. Keeping her in the sleeper, with a shirt of mine close by (so she would be comforted by my scent) we hoped she would start getting adjusted to her new room and the idea of being away from us at night. Brooke would cry and need her paci replaced throughout the night, which she had not been doing up to this point. We were unsure if the increased attention at night was actually because she was losing her paci or if it was just her not sleeping well. With Michael working out of town, us recently moving, the interrupted sleep and other added stress, we were all getting a little cranky. Something needed to change. The icing on the cake was waking up to our daughter sitting up in her sleeper! We had her buckled in, but I was still so nervous about her safety. Brooke is over 15 pounds now and likes to sit up and play with her toes; it was time to move to her crib! Plus mommy missed sleeping through the night…and wanted the same for Brooke too!

January 3^rd, the night before her 4 month "birthday", was the first night our baby girl slept in her crib through the night…and she stayed in there a solid 13 hours! I had it set in my mind that I would wait 15 minutes between crying to check on her and assure her mommy was there and loved her very much! After her nighttime routine (bath, bottle, bed), she began crying. I talked to Michael the entire 15 minutes while I sat in the front room of the house (the furthest from her crying) before going back into her room. After the dreadful wait, I went in, replaced her paci, put my hand on her tummy, told her I loved her, kissed her forehead and turned on the glowing seahorse again. She began crying again before I made it out of the room. I talked to Michael for what seemed like the longest 15 minutes as she continued to cry. I headed back to her room to repeat the same steps. I got to the door of her room and she stopped before I walked in. I returned to look at the monitor and sweet pea was fast asleep. I was shocked, sad, happy, excited and tired among so many other emotions! Off to bed, I went, not knowing how long it would last. Much to my surprise she lasted through the night. I hope it is not a fluke and she will continue to sleep this well in her crib. Woke up in the morning to a sweet smile from a girl who slept through the night without scaring her mommy half to death trying to break free from her sleeper; she was able to squirm and wiggle all around her beautiful crib. Happy baby = happy mommy.

Her 4 month appointment, she measured in at 25.25", 15 lbs 15 ounces and a head circumference of 16.75". She has some dry skin which because of the strong family history could be eczema but it is still too early to tell. It doesn't seem to be bothering her, but we are keeping her skin very moisturized, especially with the cold, dry weather. Everything else seems to be right on target. Pediatrician suggests waiting until 6 months to introduce solids, so no changes for now. She received another series of immunizations and cried less than she did at 2 months. She is such a strong girl! Later she showed signs of fatigue, but no other side effects from the vaccinations.

Our little girl is growing up, and while it makes me sad, I absolutely love to see her personality develop and learn new things everyday. A child brings on so many emotions, I never would have imagined. She fills my heart with so much joy. It takes a lot of will power to not get out of bed in the middle of the night, go in her room and just scoop her out of her crib. I could hug her and kiss those cheeks all day long. I am so proud to be her mother. I thank God daily. Happy 4 months sweet pea!