It's Friday and my first week back to work is over! Thank God. Now I get some good quality time with my sweet angel. I knew it would be hard to return to work, but once again I was not prepared for the emotions that were to come along with it. Being at home every day with a newborn is much different than getting up and going to work for 8+ hours. Being away from her made me appreciate the past two months even more. It surely went by too fast, but I am grateful to have a job to return to. I thought being a stay-at-home mom was hard, but being a working mommy is tough too!
Of course, Sunday night I was having maternity leave withdraws and crying saying I never wanted to work again! Fortunately, Michael had the day off, so it wasn't too bad to get up and get ready. It was just really difficult saying good bye. No doubt there were tears. It was hardest to accept the fact that my 2 month maternity leave was over and that our little baby would only keep getting older from this point on. I wasn't worried about her being with daddy all day, or even her being with my parents; I am worried about me being away from her all day, all week.
Tuesday, Michael and I both had to get up and go to work. I am so glad Michael was in town this week (his out-of-town job got delayed); it made the transition for me so much easier! I planned to leave the apartment at 7...that didn't quite happen. I woke up at 5:45, but didn't get to work until 8:45. Not exactly the way I saw that happening, but I loved Michael and I working together to leave at the same time. Traffic seemed worse than Monday; bumper to bumper is something I am not used to being at home for the past 10 weeks.
Wednesday, Michael and I got up a little earlier. I also took my shower the night before, thinking that would help with time in the morning. I got to work at 7:45, a little better but still not 7 am like I had it planned out in my mind. Everyone keeps telling me that it will get easier, but this morning seemed like the hardest one yet. I thought by waking up at 5 and leaving the apartment sooner, she wouldn't be hungry yet. I was wrong; she cried almost the whole car ride to my parents' house. I didn't get my morning coffee or breakfast either. I was cranky too! It was especially saying tough saying goodbye to my baby when she was awake and hungry. I cried the rest of the way into work...
Thursday, it started to get better. Michael was a huge help this morning and I made it to work by 7:15! We are slowly, but surely getting better each day. I am still not yet sure what is the best schedule for us. However, I think the more we do this routine, it will get better for all of us. She hasn't slept through the night all week. I think she is totally confused about what we are doing with her, that she has woke up every night for a feeding about 2 am. I miss her sleeping 8-11 hours, like she had been doing for the last two weeks. It will come back again I know; we will continue to work on our napping/bedtime schedule.
Today, I worked from home for a few hours, as I had longer days all week and even an event that I had Wednesday afternoon. Getting back into the groove of things at work was easier than I thought. The hard part is adjusting to my new routine at home. Getting home in the evening is hardest, as there are things I need to get done but I want to spend the most and best quality time with my little one as possible. I felt horrible the first time I put her down when I got home, but I needed to wash bottles, pump, eat dinner, shower, etc. I also cried Monday night when I got home and Brooke wouldn't take her eyes off the fan when I came in the door. I said picked her up, said hello, gave her hugs and kisses...still wouldn't take her eyes off the fan. I felt like she forgot who I was in that first day away! I know I am ridiculous. It was a hard day for me, but not so much for her. She was in daddy's care and they had a good day! She was happy, and that makes me happy.
I am so grateful to have today with her and am looking forward to this weekend as a family. Tomorrow is her baptism and I can't wait for our family and friends to help us celebrate this special day. It will also be the first time some of family to meet her! I hope to get caught up on her baby book and finish the shadow box with stuff from her birth day. Daddy and I have a date tonight; Grammy and Grumpy will be babysitting. I think they are having withdraws from daycare with Brooke, since they had the day off! Michael and I feel so blessed to have family watching her while we work. It is a great bonding experience for them and it is so comforting that she won't be with strangers all day! Yesterday, they had their first outing...to Carter's, of course. Cold front meant a trip to the store for some warm jackets.
It is hard to keep up to speed on the blog these days. If I have a free minute, my priority is to spend it with her! I still can't believe I'm a mother some days. She is the best blessing I have ever received. It's indescribable how amazing she makes my life so complete. Every thought, every decision, every move I make...I think of her first. Her needs come before mine, no matter how big or small. I love the person that I have become, and everyday I become a more positive, selfless, happier person. I am the happiest and strongest I have ever been. Thank you God for giving me the precious gift of life! Brooke is an angel among us.
No comments:
Post a Comment