Home is where the heart is

Lately everyone seems to be posting pictures on social media encrypted with #tbt for “throwback Thursday”. The meaning behind it is to display a picture or memory from the past and reminisce upon it. So today it had me thinking; so many thoughts and feelings have been flooding my mind and heart. It was about 4 months ago that Michael found out that we would be traveling to Ennis, TX to supervise a big job for his company. I was worried and heartbroken as my maternity leave was wrapping up and I was going to be alone during the weeks he would be gone with a 2 month old baby. I was terrified! It was a great opportunity for him, but we knew how hard it was going to be on all of us. The job got delayed a couple weeks, as did my return to work when my Grandmere passed away sooner than we had expected. Time went on and we all managed to make things work. I learned a lot! I adapted to an earlier morning routine than I had ever imagined possible. I found out just how much you can do one-handed. I learned how great leftovers are. I discovered that the tiniest of humans have the most dirty laundry.

I don’t think anyone else ever understood how hard it was on me. During that time, I was dealing with sleep deprivation and anxiety, grieving my grandmother’s passing, raising a newborn, and returning to work after a c-section and 10 weeks of maternity leave. Having my parents live nearby and watch Brooke was the greatest blessing. Let it be known - you are never too old to get help from your parents! I am not ashamed to say that my parents watch our baby, live 2 miles from our house and often invite me for dinner or provide me with lunch during the week! I am also grateful for my sister and a few close friends who are always there whenever I need them. Along with all of these emotions it just had me thinking about how hard things were with a newborn and how much Brooke has grown since then. She is such a great baby and Michael and I are truly blessed to be her parents. She will be 6 months next week! How is it that it seems like just yesterday but then again seems so long ago?

So here we are at the end of February and Brooke is almost 1/2 a year old. During that time, there were lots of phone calls, pictures and tears. It was a wonderful opportunity for Michael and his career, but I can honestly say I have never been so happy to have him home! When he got home tonight, it was different than any other Thursday. I was overcome with this sense of relief knowing that on Sunday he wouldn't be packing up to leave again. Looking back at everything we have overcome and how strong are family bond has become; I know we are capable of taking on anything. I can only hope that the future jobs that Michael has are located in town, but if not, that is okay. We are both hard working parents and we do so to provide for our child. However, for now, I am going to enjoy every minute of him being here. Tonight I was able to wash my face and get ready for bed, while he fed the baby. I was able to sit down and enjoy dinner at home with my love on a Thursday night. I didn't even have to wash the bottles! I was in bed before 9 and…was able to watch the entire episode of Grey’s Anatomy! Wow… I think that is what others call normalcy. And it feels so good. Feeling blessed and ever so grateful for God putting Michael and Brooke into my life. I don't know where I would be without them.

Unfortunate, inherited trait

Brooke has gotten a trait from mommy that I was wishing she wouldn't... What we were hoping was just dry skin from the weather, the doctor recently confirmed is eczema. I remember as a child itching so bad that I would not be able to move my arms and legs. I was even hospitalized when it got really bad. The thought of that happening to Brooke breaks my heart. We have been trying to keep her dry skin under control, but this weekend she had a very bad flare up. Saturday, I bought some Baby Eczema Eucerin cream and tried that Sunday morning. She looked red, but it seemed to go away. Then a couple hours later, it got worse. It was red around her mouth, her chest, legs, arms…everywhere. I was so scared. I was in tears. Michael was nervous too! We called the doctor’s office and were ready to take her to Urgent Care, if necessary. She was scratching the backs of legs with her toes and her head and chest too. It was heartbreaking to see her skin so irritated.

We applied hydrocortisone on the affected areas and it didn't take long for it to be looking better. We kept a close eye over night, but planned to take her to the doctor in the morning. I don’t like seeing my baby suffer, and I take full advantage of snuggling during times like this. She is my precious baby and I want her better!

The doctor confirmed it was eczema and, as we know, there is no cure. We just have to keep in under control. She prescribed a steroid cream to use if and when lotion and hydrocortisone are not working and in case of flare ups, like on Sunday. She suggested using Curel for an everyday lotion, and so far that seems to be working much better. Her skin is back to being baby soft, with only minor redness in some of the creases. I am so happy that it is already looking 100% better. She is on the right track!

Despite her closet full of adorable clothes, she has been spending a substantial amount of time in her birthday suit lately. Her skin needs to breathe and she doesn't mind it either! She even enjoys “taking a ride in her car” in the buff.

My sweet life

What used to be a week (or sometimes month) long celebration was barely a thought in mind. Last year I celebrated my birthday by going shopping for PB, as we had just found out about our pregnancy a few weeks prior. This year was not much different. Brooke is my world. I could barely even think of anything I wanted for myself. I asked for a few items for the house, and was more than happy to get that and more! I have converted to a less materialistic type person with the birth of my baby girl…or maybe my needs and wants have just changed more with age.

Michael and I went out to dinner the week before, to avoid the Valentine's Day crowd. Yup, we are that old and lame. My parents watched Brooke and we were on the road to dinner about 6, no reservations either. We ended up at Brenner's Steak House, a first for both of us. We got the last table in the corner by the bar..and it was perfect. We both had lamb, 2 drinks and dessert! Wow. It was such a nice date with my love, to celebrate my birthday and us! It is not often that we get out anymore, but when we do, we do it right. We left semi-miserable after a 3-course meal, but we were home in bed by 9. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Thursday my coworkers surprised me with chocolate chip cookie cake (yum!). 

Friday night, my actual birthday, my parents had us over for dinner…and my birthday peanut butter pie (my mom knows the way to my heart…and never fails to make it every year for me!). My hair was in a ponytail and I had on no makeup – it was perfect. 

We had a few family and friends over the next day to enjoy some cake (as if we hadn't had enough already!)...

It was a nice and simple celebration. Brooke met my friend Chelsea’s youngest son, Parker who is one month younger. They hit it off right away, and had a great photo shoot!

All in all, my birthday celebrations have surely changed, but one thing is for certain, family is the greatest gift of all. Spending some quality time with loved ones and having my little sweetheart in my life is all a girl can ask for!

My heart is full.

5 months

On February 4^th, Brooke was 5 months old. I truly feel the days go by so fast. It seems like we just brought her home from the hospital. The restless days of 3 hour feedings, tiny little diapers, and standing in the hallways singing made up songs while rocking her to sleep seem so long ago. I miss her infancy but I also adore watching her grow. It is amazing to know that Michael and I created this beautiful angel and after 10 months inside my tummy, she entered this world. Since then and with each passing day, her eyes get bluer, her smile gets bigger and her desire to learn continues to grow. I am absolutely smitten and blessed to call her mine. Some days I just stop and think “How did I get so lucky?” Brooke is such a good baby. I fall in love with her more and more everyday. 

On a typical day, Brooke wakes up at 7:30 and drinks 8 ounces of milk. She goes to Grammy and Grumpy’s Monday thru Thursday, and Fridays one of us is usually home with her. She sleeps for about an hour in the morning, a couple hours in the afternoon, and one more hour nap before the evening. She eats 7 ounces every 3 hours, with an extra ounce or two in her last bottle. At about 7 o’clock, we begin her nighttime routine – bath, bottle, bed. She isn’t to the point of playing in the bath just yet, but she knows her bottle and bed are shortly thereafter. Often she has trouble keeping her eyes open during her bath and tries to sneak a thumb in her mouth! She sleeps through the night and is in her crib for 12 hours straight! She may wake during the night but she “talks” herself back to sleep. She also falls asleep on her back, but at some time during the night rolls to her tummy and sleeps that way until morning. Like I said, we are blessed with a very good baby. I love her to the moon and back!

She is not blowing raspberries quite as much as she was a few weeks ago. Still no teeth, but drooling like crazy and will put anything (her fingers, your fingers, toys, blankets, etc) in her mouth. She tries to roll over during diaper changes, but that surely beats the way she used to scream when she was a newborn. We are still supplementing with some formula (5 ounces breastmilk, 2 ounces formula) and she is doing perfect with that. She is growing like a weed! She is in between 6 month and 9 month clothes and wearing size 3 Pampers Swaddlers. She has outgrown her size 1 shoes and hates socks! She still loves putting her toes in her mouth; socks and shoes just get in the way. Her skin is still a little dry; I put baby lotion on twice a day and try to keep her naked for a little while to let her skin breathe. We are not sure if eczema will be an issue her whole life, but for now we are doing our best to keep in under control, especially in the cold, dry weather. We are not surprised, as eczema runs in both of our families; I struggled with it severely throughout my childhood. Due to those troubling memories of my itchy skin, I pray that Brooke's get better soon!

She loves seeing people make silly faces, blow raspberries and “talk” with her. She has recently started hugging too. I am not sure if she completely comprehends what she is doing, but when her arms swing around my neck and she buries her face into my chest my heart just melts. Either way I know it is her way of showing her trust and love in me, and it’s the sweetest thing. She is capable of holding her own bottle and putting her pacifier in her mouth. She sits up unsupported very well, lifts up her entire head and chest during tummy time and loves to stand (with some assistance, of course). She is so strong! Her latest trick is riding the horsey; she moves back-and-forth when propped up on your leg. She looks so eager to move; I think she will be an early crawler, unless she skips that completely and goes straight to walking!

My entire world has changed from the life I once knew and I love every moment. I adore my daughter more than anything in this world! Being a mother is the greatest gift and I am blessed to call her mine. She has stolen my heart. She easily brings tears to my eyes just thinking of the joy that we endure daily because of her. Nothing in this world compares to the sound of her laughter, the grasp of her tiny hand around my finger and the warmth of her body as I hold her close to my heart. She is only 5 months old and I am trying to hold on to every moment and memory, as we all know how fast time flies by (I may have already started looking at 1^st birthday party ideas…)!

When it's just the two of us, nothing else in this world matters. I no longer live to work, but merely work to provide for her. It makes every bit of my job and every action I make even more fulfilling, knowing that she is the motivation behind everything I do. She is my world. I can't imagine my life with out Michael and Brooke. 5 years with Michael and 5 months with Brooke - I can't wait to see what the next 5 have in store for us!

The selfless acts of motherhood

My love for Brooke is the most sincere, selfless feeling I have ever known. It truly is indescribable. I would honestly do anything for her. For example, we recently have been battling milk issues. I have been struggling to keep up with her; she is a growing girl and needs more than she was getting a month ago. However, I was just not producing enough. We discussed all possibilities – introducing cereal/solid foods, switching to formula, feeding her a mixture of breastmilk/formula…and even supplementing with a donor’s breastmilk! I know – who would have thought? When I first got pregnant I didn’t even think I would breastfeed, much less be breastfeeding 4+ months. So supplementing with someone else’s breastmilk may be a very unusual (and to many, gross) option, but as a mother I have come to realize that I will consider everything before deciding on the best thing for my child. For the record, we came to terms and decided as a family that we would make up the additional ounces of milk with formula. Go figure, it seems that I now have more milk than before, perhaps because I am not having to stress about getting enough. Nonetheless, Brooke is happily enjoying 6-8 ounce bottles of a mixture of breastmilk/formula (Similac Sensitive).

Becoming a parent has truly changed my life. While I thought my life was good and complete before, I had no idea the joy I would be rewarded with daily when I look into the eyes of my daughter. The emotion that fills my heart when I see her need and trust in me is something I hope every woman (and man) is able to experience. To my friends and family that do not have children, I do not know how to explain it. I just hope that one day you are blessed with children and can share in these same feelings. Watching her grow is the definition of bittersweet. While I hate the fact of time flying by and her getting bigger, it is incredible to see her personality develop and learn new things everyday. When she was a newborn, she smiled in her sleep, then after a couple months she voluntarily smiled when she saw mommy and daddy’s faces, and now she smiles and laughs out loud all the time! That gurgling noise that accompanies a big smile across our little one’s face is one the most precious things. Her eagerness and excitement grows from day to day.

As her independence grows strong, mommy occasionally gets sad thinking she doesn't need me as much. I know that's not true, she is just getting more adapted to her environment and constantly learning. Nonetheless, I have learned to take advantage of those times where she really wants her mommy. Some days when I come home, I hold her like I did when she was a newborn and let her snuggle up with mommy and take a catnap (even if it's an hour before bedtime). It's times like that which melt my heart and honestly bring tears to my eyes.

In addition to Brooke finding her toes, she has now begun putting her toes in her mouth! Again very cute and displays extreme flexibility, but makes it difficult to do diaper changes! She also manages to get anything she can into that mouth of hers, especially her thumb. While her paci is not always within reach, especially during the night when she wakes herself up, that thumb is the perfect fit into her tiny mouth! I am not a fan of thumb sucking. It is one of the most adorable things when she is sleeping with her little hand resting on her nose, but….I do not want her to be a thumb sucker for years to come! I am dealing with it for the time being, knowing that her sleeping through the night is more important (plus mommy and daddy are finally getting some overdue rest too)! We will cross that bridge here shortly, but for now…we sleep (Brooke with one hand in mouth and the other holding her toes).

It was this day last year that Michael and I got the call confirming that I was in fact pregnant. I came home to a bouquet of white roses (my favorite)! We had no idea how much our lives were going to change. I couldn't be more happy with exactly where we are in our lives. I love our little family!

4 months

New Year’s Eve this year was quite different than years past…one beer and in bed by 9! Oh and I must say the holiday has officially moved down to the bottom of my list of favorite holidays for sure. The sound of fireworks popping was disturbing to our sleeping baby. Of course, I was up at 12:30 putting her back to sleep after the big show! I was never a fan of fireworks, but I’m definitely not now.

Over the holiday break, we started putting Brooke into her crib for naps. We had a rough start; she cried for about the whole time the nap usually lasts, which ended up throwing off her whole nap/sleep schedule. On top of which our sweet pea has found her toes. This has made everything near impossible without her playing with her feet, especially diaper changes and sleeping. 

Up until this point, she had been sleeping in her Rock N Play Sleeper in our room. After a couple nights in the new house, we tried moving her to her room. Keeping her in the sleeper, with a shirt of mine close by (so she would be comforted by my scent) we hoped she would start getting adjusted to her new room and the idea of being away from us at night. Brooke would cry and need her paci replaced throughout the night, which she had not been doing up to this point. We were unsure if the increased attention at night was actually because she was losing her paci or if it was just her not sleeping well. With Michael working out of town, us recently moving, the interrupted sleep and other added stress, we were all getting a little cranky. Something needed to change. The icing on the cake was waking up to our daughter sitting up in her sleeper! We had her buckled in, but I was still so nervous about her safety. Brooke is over 15 pounds now and likes to sit up and play with her toes; it was time to move to her crib! Plus mommy missed sleeping through the night…and wanted the same for Brooke too!

January 3^rd, the night before her 4 month "birthday", was the first night our baby girl slept in her crib through the night…and she stayed in there a solid 13 hours! I had it set in my mind that I would wait 15 minutes between crying to check on her and assure her mommy was there and loved her very much! After her nighttime routine (bath, bottle, bed), she began crying. I talked to Michael the entire 15 minutes while I sat in the front room of the house (the furthest from her crying) before going back into her room. After the dreadful wait, I went in, replaced her paci, put my hand on her tummy, told her I loved her, kissed her forehead and turned on the glowing seahorse again. She began crying again before I made it out of the room. I talked to Michael for what seemed like the longest 15 minutes as she continued to cry. I headed back to her room to repeat the same steps. I got to the door of her room and she stopped before I walked in. I returned to look at the monitor and sweet pea was fast asleep. I was shocked, sad, happy, excited and tired among so many other emotions! Off to bed, I went, not knowing how long it would last. Much to my surprise she lasted through the night. I hope it is not a fluke and she will continue to sleep this well in her crib. Woke up in the morning to a sweet smile from a girl who slept through the night without scaring her mommy half to death trying to break free from her sleeper; she was able to squirm and wiggle all around her beautiful crib. Happy baby = happy mommy.

Her 4 month appointment, she measured in at 25.25", 15 lbs 15 ounces and a head circumference of 16.75". She has some dry skin which because of the strong family history could be eczema but it is still too early to tell. It doesn't seem to be bothering her, but we are keeping her skin very moisturized, especially with the cold, dry weather. Everything else seems to be right on target. Pediatrician suggests waiting until 6 months to introduce solids, so no changes for now. She received another series of immunizations and cried less than she did at 2 months. She is such a strong girl! Later she showed signs of fatigue, but no other side effects from the vaccinations.

Our little girl is growing up, and while it makes me sad, I absolutely love to see her personality develop and learn new things everyday. A child brings on so many emotions, I never would have imagined. She fills my heart with so much joy. It takes a lot of will power to not get out of bed in the middle of the night, go in her room and just scoop her out of her crib. I could hug her and kiss those cheeks all day long. I am so proud to be her mother. I thank God daily. Happy 4 months sweet pea!

Christmas Break 2013

December highlights include laughing out loud, putting anything (and everything) possible into her mouth, drooling excessively and sleeping without a nighttime feeding. Mommy was still trying to get completely back into the swing of things at work while taking care of an infant. Michael was still traveling during the week to Ennis for a job, which was hard on all 3 of us. To top all of that off, our lease was ending at the apartment and after lots of discussion, we decided it was time to move to something bigger. While we truly wanted to stay and save a little more, the need for space trumped our savings. Our hunt for a lease home began. Wow...if you could have seen some of the stuff we looked at. Unfortunately, we just aren't quite ready to be homeowners, so we had to find something for the time being. We finally got a realtor to help us on our search, as there is just so much out there. We had to readjust our criteria a few times, but after a couple of intense weeks of searching we found the perfect house. As soon as we walked in, we fell in love with the layout, small neighborhood and cul-de-sac. Honestly, we thought we didn't have a chance getting it, but we submitted our application that day and began praying. A couple days later, we heard that out of 7 people we got the house. We were so relieved and excited for the move! Well, we were excited to be in a new house, but quite frankly, dreading the actual move. We went to the house the following weekend to take another look at the exact layout (so I could begin "decorating") and the landlord was planning to be there too, so we could meet in person. We could not be more blessed - they are the nicest people! He actually gave us the keys right there and said we could move in the next day, two weeks early! So immediately, we started packing. We planned to move in before Christmas, as I had this wonderful image of Christmas morning with Brooke, Michael and I waking up in our new house. I am a perfectionist...and was determined to have everything unpacked and put away by Christmas. We had movers, which helped tremendously - they were amazing! Trying to do all of that, during the holidays, with an infant was NOT easy. I realized, after the fact, I sometimes try and do too much and moving right before Christmas probably wasn't the best idea. However, now that we are unpacked and settled I am relieved that the whole process is behind us!

As for Brooke's first Christmas, visiting Santa was at the top of our list to do as a family, and begin our family holiday traditions. However, every time we tried to go to the mall on the weekend, the line was over 2 hours long. That is not even possible to do with a 3 month old baby – no way, plus Michael was out of town during the week, so weekends were our only time together as a family to do it. After 3 tries, Michael agreed that it just wasn't going to happen. So one night during the week, my parents accompanied Brooke and I to Bass Pro Shop at Katy Mills Mall. We got in line behind 2 other families – it was great! She sat on Santa’s lap without a problem. No smile, but no tears either. I’ll take it. We spotted a few more photo ops and then we were headed home to bed!

The Feast of St. Nicholas is something our family grew up celebrating. On the eve of December 6^th, you put your shoes out and St. Nick comes during the night to put a present in your shoe (or if you are bad, you would receive coal). Brooke got a pair of Christmas PJs and a book. Obviously she is still too young to know, but so happy that this tradition will continue in our family!

Luckily all of our family lives fairly close, but unfortunately driving anywhere with Brooke requires a lot of work. It surely isn't as easy to just hop in the car, like when it was the 2 of us. Five celebrations in 2 days was a lot, but we wouldn't have had it any other way. Car rides and late nights threw off our schedule some, but in the midst of it all the craziness and running around, we were able to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. We even managed to make it to Christmas morning mass...on time! Lots of foofu dresses and matching headbands, but these were the few family pictures taken from Brooke’s first Christmas. And that, my friends, is how you learn to roll with the punches. Having a newborn is not always rainbows and butterflies. So actually while I didn't get the perfect and beautifully posed pictures in front of the Christmas tree, these pictures will always remind me of just how amazing our first Christmas as a family really was. We have plenty of more years for pictures where we are all looking at camera and smiling (and hopefully fully clothed).

We tried reading Charlie Brown Christmas, but realized that book was a bit too long for our current attention span. However, Grammy managed to read (most of) The Night Before Christmas to her, even if it was 2 days after Christmas.

This Christmas was undoubtedly full of love and joy and memories. I have a feeling next Christmas will not be quite as hectic. One thing for sure is next year we won't be moving at Christmas time (first time in 3 years) and that will be great! Brooke got lots of presents from family and friends, and we feel ever so blessed. Her playroom is definitely full of toys and books! There were so many memorable moments and we shall cherish them forever. We missed a few loved ones this year, but Brooke managed to light up the whole room. She didn't have a clue in the world that it was Christmas, nor did she understand that beyond that crinkly tissue paper was the actual present. Christmas came and went so very fast, but looking back we know we are blessed with the most loving, generous and supportive family that anyone could ask for. Nothing compares to celebrating the holidays with those that matter most!

Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good night!

3 months

Holy Pete! Our Precious Brooke is now 3 months old.

She loves to smile and laugh. Mommy makes silly faces and she loves watching; I feel like she wants to mimic them back. She doesn't hate diaper changes (as much) as she used to. She is in between 3 month and 6 month clothes. She wears size 2 diapers (although Grammy and Grumpy are still trying to use up their size 1 diapers…hopefully they’re almost gone!). Her legs are so strong; she can support her weight, but doesn't quite know how to balance it yet.

She can hold her head up during tummy time, but hasn't quite figured out how to roll over. She is capable of sleeping through the night but sometimes decides to get up for a feeding at 1 am. Mommy is okay with that, as she goes right back to sleep after the bottle. Footed pjs with the zipper are amazing. The sleep sacks aren't too bad either. She will grab anything and once she does she has a grip that won’t budge, especially on mommy’s hair! We are trying to steer away from the loose blankets, so she does not grab and pull it over her face while sleeping. I have to keep her nails short, as her arms and hands go wild sometimes during the night. We stopped swaddling her before she was 2 months, as she seemed to fight it so much. I sometimes wonder if we kept at it if her arms wouldn't go crazy and wake her up. No time for what ifs at this point though. She is learning to sleep through the night and this way we don’t have to go through weaning her off the swaddle later on. Her scalp is pretty dry – probably cradle cap (very common in babies) or due to the cold weather. It is so fun getting her all bundled up in little baby winter clothes – they’re so cute! However, what is NOT so cute is when she waits until we are all dressed and in the car seat to dirty her diaper! But there is not way one can be mad at that cute little face.

No appointment this month; we got back at 4 months. Auntie Jen is still very dedicated to finding and purchasing the cutest monogrammed outfits for Brooke. We love her so much, even her little song she sings to B..."Who's the best auntie around? Who's the prettiest auntie in town?"

She seriously couldn't be any cuter (and she knows it). Michael, we did good!