So I've been doing some more reading on pregnancy, babies and such. I have realized that I am currently disgusted by breastfeeding! I know that it is supposed to be this miraculous thing and something only I can share with my baby. It's supposed to be all warm & fuzzy, and nurturing & precious and sweet that the baby is so close to my heart....BUT I don't feel that way. I watched a video and I honestly have to say that I think it is so primal and would make me feel like an animal! That woman and baby are forever engraved in my mind...blughh!! Perhaps my feelings on this will change and I hope I'm not the only one who thinks like this...well, I know I'm not...there was a reason my mother didn't nurse my sister and I! lol I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! I still have a few months to change my feelings about it, perhaps the doctor will be able to tell me more pros and cons and we'll see what happens. I'm not being close-minded about anything, but some things may have to change with time!!
I have read that fatigue and nausea are most common in the first trimester and usually they fade away in the second trimester. I must say that is relieving to hear! The morning sickness has gotten a little better - and when I say sickness, let's be clear that I have not actually gotten sick...just nauseous! Lucky, for now. I find myself sitting down to do my hair and makeup less often. I have also got adjusted to eating breakfast before I leave for work in the morning; if I don't, I feel dizzy and nauseous! I have done fairly well at eating smaller meals and more often throughout the day - that seems to help a lot. My skin seems to be super dry lately - some of that may be caused by this crazy Houston weather - although I feel like our "little blueberry" is sucking all the moisture out of me! lol
One thing I'm wondering is if the emotions and hormones change any with the second trimester. I'm doubting it, but seriously...I am so emotional it's ridiculous! I cry at least once everyday. This morning, I grabbed a tank top to where under my sweater, and instead of grabbing the white one, which I intended to wear, I grabbed the black one. I got upset with myself!! I hope this is normal...and I'm not just a crazy person...and if this were to go away soon, I would be completely okay with that. I'm wondering exactly what it is that makes you so emotional and hormonal? I think that may be my research/reading material for today!
While all of this is getting to feel more realistic everyday, I can't wait until all of our family and friends now. I hate being so secretive. It was a choice Michael and I made, since the first trimester is very risky, but I will feel so much more relief, when I can openly talk to people and they understand why I'm not going to happy hour or why I've been under the weather for two weeks! Michael is waiting to find out more answers (ie, how many weeks we are, etc) at the doctor's appointment, before he tells his parents. Soon both sets of parents and us will have to all get together! :) It's been over four years and they have yet to meet. That sounds so weird, but with Michael living in Deer Park and my family being in west Houston, there just hasn't been a reason, per say, to bring everyone together...and now there really is!
My birthday is in two weeks and I'm hoping to have a small get-together with close friends and their significant other. It will be nice to celebrate my birthday and Valentine's day with close family and friends. If they don't already know, they will find out that night. Hopefully I can trust them with not letting our secret out. However, we will find out next week how far along we are and hopefully not have too much longer before letting the cat out of the bag! I am already working up some ideas with my pal Mal. She takes great pictures and is going to help us with our announcements! :)
Okay, back to work before a lunch meeting...
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